So when you are in a different culture, away from family and friends, and are attempting something as daunting as learning a language, there are bound to be ups and downs. It does not help that generally I am an emotional person, but it has been interesting. Right now I seemed to have plateaued my growth. I am reached a wall, yet again. It is kind of frustrating, but I know it is only a dot.
If I can compare it to a graph, it as if you were moving to the right on a Cartesian plan with a positive x cubed line. It can be compared to a roller coaster, or russian mountain in Spanish (I still don't understand, why they call them russian mountains, but it is true!). However, I was gently reminded the other day that all things are possible with the help of Christ, even at times when the task overshadows the success. I was also reminded by a friend about comparing myself to others. I was reminded that comparisons are lies. Lies that I am not good enough, that I am a failure, that I will never learn this language. But all of these things are lies. I am good enough, I am not a failure, and I am able to learn this language. I am a child of God and none of these things hold merit in my life. It has been a good time of growth and continuing to learn of who I am in Christ.
This weekend was a long weekend, but it was also chill weekend. We cooked a "traditional" breakfast for my family. Pancakes and eggs. But it was definitely not traditional with Andrew and Brittney (the health nuts of the group). I went to Tigre, a small town that the city has began to overtake. We walked around, chilled, and had a relaxing day. Sunday went to church then after went out to PARTY (okay not really. We had a great asado, which is grilled food, and ice, and talked a ton), which I returned at five in the morning. Then Monday since I didn't have class, I went to a park to knock the soccer ball around, play frisbee, and afterwards had pizza. It was a pretty chill and relaxing weekend, despite battles with lies.
However, now I am refocused, encouraged, and ready to battle again. The one good thing about a russian mountain is you don't stay at the bottom long. You begin to climb, you are able to look around and enjoy the view, or enjoy a good friend's company. You climb higher and higher, feeling as if you can touch the sky. Then as your crown and peak over the edge, a rush runs through your body as you prepare for the thrill. Plunging into the next challenge with excitement and a never resting fear whispering in the back of your mind, but what is the focus? That little whisper can grow into a shriek as the problems seem to grow as the ever approaching ground below comes nearer. Will there be a crash? Will the car roll off the track as we approach this turn? That whisper grows ever louder until the only sound that can be heard is the shrills and cries for help. However, there is another reaction. A reaction of faith. When the car crowns the hill and plunges fast and hard down the track there is a sense of comfort. That in the middle of what may seem chaotic, loco, or even terrifying, there is an plan at work, and a had that is ever guiding. Shrills and shrieks do not sound from the mouth, but instead a strong yell of joy and hands rise above the head, as adoration and trust are affirmed. Then as you reach the bottom and begin to ascend once more you marvel at what has happened. At the joy you received from that small act of faith, and reassurance rushes over you. Once again you crown and throw your hands even higher as you fall out of your seat only to be sat gently back down.
I began this writing about the ups and downs of life. About how depression, happiness, sadness, and other emotions come and go. However, some how in the course of writing this I have found more joy, peace, and comfort. Beginning with a tone of discontentment and only wanting to complain, but now I have ended with something that is profound for me. The Russian Mountain of Life does not have to have be a boring, useless exercise, that merely comes and goes. That line that exists, when I am strapped in on a roller coast, between thrill and terror, and fear and faith, exists in life as well. Every day brings new challenges, which should terrify us, but also excite us. Every day we don't have control, which should give us fear, but at the very same time a overwhelming faith and peace should exist also. The track does not alter underneath our moving car. The car has a plan, a destination, and its course has been carefully mapped out. Every detail thought through and every doubt erased. The car never stops, never stops progressing towards the destination, and never leaves the track. There may be a sharp turn, a dark tunnel, a splash of unexpected water, but the car has a course. I have a course. ¡Encouraging! ¿NO?
Next time you are in a place that you don't understand, are not sure of, or frankly are just depressed about, remember the Russian Mountain. Ride the line between thrill and terror, between faith and fear.
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