I never knew I could be this nervous about anything. I am now five days out from leaving the country for six months. Even when I type that there is a weight that begins to lay on my chest. There is so much that I feel i need to do, but all I want to do is avoid the issue because I only seem to hasten my departure. So I am consuming my days with meaningless video games and movies just trying to avoid the situation. Never the less it still is approaching.
I would love to be able to say, "I will be fine," but I immediately adjust my statement to, "most likely I will be fine," or even "likely I will be fine." I am going to a foreign country speaking a language that I comprehend like a second grader, taking college courses in a city with 2.8 million people, living with a family I have never met, and likely speaks no english, and there is no going back for six months. I have to be feeling like many of the American explorers that came from Europe. Having no idea what I am about to get into. In my logical mind it makes no sense. It screams danger, frustration, and insanity. A small town boy going to a big city. It just does not feel nature.
I am excited though. I know it will be good, but prior to the good there will be bad. God will work on my heart. I will learn the language. I will learn and understand culture and people better. It will make me a better teacher, possibly soccer player, and most definitely person. I am excited, but it lies under a fearful exoskeleton, an almost paralytic feeling. I AM NOT IN CONTROL! I feel helpless in what seems to be a crashing plane. Oh, how God is going to work on me and my control issues. Well let the countdown begin... FIVE DAYS LEFT!
I would love to be able to say, "I will be fine," but I immediately adjust my statement to, "most likely I will be fine," or even "likely I will be fine." I am going to a foreign country speaking a language that I comprehend like a second grader, taking college courses in a city with 2.8 million people, living with a family I have never met, and likely speaks no english, and there is no going back for six months. I have to be feeling like many of the American explorers that came from Europe. Having no idea what I am about to get into. In my logical mind it makes no sense. It screams danger, frustration, and insanity. A small town boy going to a big city. It just does not feel nature.
