Preparing to Dive

I never knew I could be this nervous about anything.  I am now five days out from leaving the country for six months.  Even when I type that there is a weight that begins to lay on my chest.  There is so much that I feel i need to do, but all I want to do is avoid the issue because I only seem to hasten my departure.  So I am consuming my days with meaningless video games and movies just trying to avoid the situation.  Never the less it still is approaching.

I would love to be able to say, "I will be fine," but I immediately adjust my statement to, "most likely I will be fine," or even "likely I will be fine."  I am going to a foreign country speaking a language that I comprehend like a second grader, taking college courses in a city with 2.8 million people, living with a family I have never met, and likely speaks no english, and there is no going back for six months.  I have to be feeling like many of the American explorers that came from Europe.  Having no idea what I am about to get into.  In my logical mind it makes no sense.  It screams danger, frustration, and insanity.  A small town boy going to a big city.  It just does not feel nature.

I am excited though.  I know it will be good, but prior to the good there will be bad.  God will work on my heart.  I will learn the language.  I will learn and understand culture and people better.  It will make me a better teacher, possibly soccer player, and most definitely person.  I am excited, but it lies under a fearful exoskeleton, an almost paralytic feeling.  I AM NOT IN CONTROL!  I feel helpless in what seems to be a crashing plane.  Oh, how God is going to work on me and my control issues.  Well let the countdown begin...  FIVE DAYS LEFT!